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801
Tibbo: There goes another planet.
Flossie: What went wrong this time?
Tibbo: They all thought God was on their side.
802
(Flossie) Why are they so excited? [other gators looking thru scope]
(Tibbo) They found a person on Earth who takes into consideration facts that don't fit her beliefs.
(Flossie) Hallelujah! I hereby nominate her for that galaxy's Person of the Eon.
(tibbo) How about Person of the Eon for the whole Universe?
803
(Tibbo) People in that political party are espousing love, respect and inclusion. [planet thru window]
(Scoot) So why do they fear and despise that other political party?
804
(Tibbo) I’m watching a Presidential candidates’ debate. The emotions are running high.
(Flossie) Do they realize how petty their disagreements are, in the overall scheme of things?
(Tibbo) No, they don’t. But I have a way of bringing them together.
805
[scientists] Those who believe in UFOs, without a shred of evidence, are blind idiots.
[new-agers] Those who don't believe in UFOs, in the face of overwhelming evidence, are blind idiots.
(Tibbo) Look at those factions. They can't both be right. Is there anything that can be said for sure?
(Flossie) Yes. Your truth is what you want to believe. Ignore anything that doesn't fit your beliefs.
806
(Skeptic 1) We need to debunk everything we can't explain.
(Skeptic 2) That's a lot of debunking.
(Skeptic 3) No it isn't. We just say that every unexplainable phenomenon is a hoax and leave it at that.
807
(Flossie) There are more than one billion stars with planets in that galaxy alone.
(Zilfer) But humans can't comprehend numbers greater than one million.
(Flossie)That explains why they still buy lottery tickets.
808
(audience) From your vantage point, who are the most arrogant people on planet Earth?
(Tibbo) 1) Long-time New Yorkers, 2) Religious extremists, 3) Political extremists, 4) Atheists.
(audience) In that order?
(Tibbo) In the reverse order.
809
(Person 1) We want to help dissolve artificial boundaries, so we're requiring that all left-leaning political cartoons be placed next to a right-leaning cartoon in our magazine.
(Person 2) OK, but now all the magazines have a fold down the middle.
810
(Tibbo) A good way to insult any opinion is to tag it with an ordinary term and make it sound contemtuous.
(Flossie) Such as?
(Tibbo) Politically correct, flag-waver, snowflake, tree-hugger, holy roller, ...
811
(Tibbo) Why isn't there a counterpart to "politically correct" ?
(Flossie) How about "patriotically correct" ?
812
(Alien 1) What kind of atmosphere does Earth have?
(Alien 2) Extremely toxic.
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